I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
