Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
