she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
