Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I have post one night stand depression
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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