I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize