I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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