I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I supernannyed him into submission
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
