Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
