I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize