Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
