Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
