all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I am available for nakedness
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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