It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
