Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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