Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
