see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
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Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
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I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
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