That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
you had me at cake vodka
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Randomize
