is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
