You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
