my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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