I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
