I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
