i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Randomize
