I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
