I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
