Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
