I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
