i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
