The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
