They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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