Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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