I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
