I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
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It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Damn victory sex feels great
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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