I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
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