Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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