if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
