i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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