I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
