Where is the hickey?
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
