Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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