I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
