i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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