either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
