Your mouth is God's brothel.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I understand Curling. That high.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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