Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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