Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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