She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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