Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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