There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
