There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
