I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
i think i just lost a toe
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
