Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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