tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
