We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
