We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize