I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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