He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Randomize
