The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
