i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
