she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
