Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Do you have feelings for this penis?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
