I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
