I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
