The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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