New low: just hacked my moms facebook
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
