So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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