Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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