Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
