Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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