Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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