whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Randomize
