Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
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