he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Randomize
