I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
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