after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
