So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
