I am in a vortex of obligation.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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