And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
