Will you blow on my dice?
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Randomize
