i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize