Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
i think im in europe. pls send help
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
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