how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
