Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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