'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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