Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.