You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.