Texts From Last Night

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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.

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  (832): I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy. http://tfl.nu/4nt5
  Replies (7) Good night (1071) Bad night (2719)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town

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  (757): Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town http://tfl.nu/mvuo
  Replies (39) Good night (6832) Bad night (924)
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  (316): View more from Kansas

  If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.

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  (316): If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already. http://tfl.nu/vt4q
  Replies (13) Good night (2893) Bad night (1033)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.

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  (310): I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning. http://tfl.nu/9168
  Replies (5) Good night (2319) Bad night (679)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.

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  (403): Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed. http://tfl.nu/yrbs
  Replies (7) Good night (984) Bad night (1600)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.

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  (215): I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse. http://tfl.nu/a9fq
  Replies (6) Good night (1626) Bad night (857)
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.

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  (651): So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it. http://tfl.nu/j4ss
  Replies (6) Good night (2184) Bad night (727)
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  I have no words

  (951): View more from California

  Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.

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  (949): I have no words (951): Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water. http://tfl.nu/wxcd
  Replies (19) Good night (1138) Bad night (2425)
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  Do you have any booze?

  (214): View more from Texas

  Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...

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  (817): Do you have any booze? (214): Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl... http://tfl.nu/sb57
  Replies (9) Good night (2346) Bad night (619)
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I guess, just don't make it awkward

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY

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  (978): I guess, just don't make it awkward (603): MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY http://tfl.nu/y6gk
  Replies (10) Good night (759) Bad night (1512)
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.

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  (973): If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will. http://tfl.nu/voi6
  Replies (2) Good night (999) Bad night (672)
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?

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  (443): I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible? http://tfl.nu/lb2v
  Replies (19) Good night (804) Bad night (1233)
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland

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  (406): There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland http://tfl.nu/keo1
  Replies (7) Good night (1446) Bad night (582)
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?

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  (949): the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real? http://tfl.nu/2sta
  Replies (2) Good night (1753) Bad night (356)
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.

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  (845): Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus. http://tfl.nu/x306
  Replies (0) Good night (432) Bad night (929)

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