Texts From Last Night

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  (253): View more from Washington

  she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?

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  (253): she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person? http://tfl.nu/ofbb
  Replies (22) Good night (1862) Bad night (4003)
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  (228): View more from Mississippi

  yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations

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  (228): yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations http://tfl.nu/eytk
  Replies (16) Good night (5736) Bad night (698)
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  (954): View more from Florida

  I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues

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  (954): I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues http://tfl.nu/8qyh
  Replies (22) Good night (4690) Bad night (831)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car

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  (973): Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car http://tfl.nu/9e8r
  Replies (38) Good night (9244) Bad night (2169)
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  (352): View more from Florida

  Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.

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  (352): Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover. http://tfl.nu/82ke
  Replies (19) Good night (1658) Bad night (4870)
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  (562): View more from California

  So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.

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  (562): So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later. http://tfl.nu/b9wm
  Replies (17) Good night (5613) Bad night (1131)
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  (914): View more from New York

  Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem

  (914): View more from New York

  Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.

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  (914): Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem (914): Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty. http://tfl.nu/8j05
  Replies (53) Good night (7548) Bad night (2595)
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  (386): View more from Florida

  You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?

  (1-386): View more from Florida

  Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.

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  (386): You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...? (1-386): Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge. http://tfl.nu/modl
  Replies (31) Good night (2852) Bad night (5562)
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  (506): View more from New Brunswick

  At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at

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  (506): At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at http://tfl.nu/k9hn
  Replies (5) Good night (1957) Bad night (658)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  "Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.

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  (913): "Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol. http://tfl.nu/3cka
  Replies (6) Good night (1331) Bad night (546)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it

  (1-512): View more from Texas

  We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...

  (512): View more from Texas

  This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.

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  (512): Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it (1-512): We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream... (512): This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life. http://tfl.nu/ar28
  Replies (5) Good night (2971) Bad night (651)
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.

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  (785): That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA. http://tfl.nu/53zt
  Replies (4) Good night (1495) Bad night (493)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.

  (1-734): View more from Michigan

  Sadly that explains a lot.

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  (734): Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka. (1-734): Sadly that explains a lot. http://tfl.nu/6w41
  Replies (0) Good night (699) Bad night (324)
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  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.

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  (262): Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition. http://tfl.nu/kdlv
  Replies (2) Good night (1140) Bad night (291)
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  (509): View more from Washington

  Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...

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  (509): Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water... http://tfl.nu/zc6b
  Replies (0) Good night (200) Bad night (46)

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