Texts From Last Night

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  (248): View more from Michigan

  I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!

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  (248): I cant believe we actually had a nipple party! http://tfl.nu/pec6
  Replies (5) Good night (2068) Bad night (482)
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  (845): View more from New York

  He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.

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  (845): He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up. http://tfl.nu/zpkp
  Replies (3) Good night (2612) Bad night (902)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine

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  (214): I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine http://tfl.nu/8nsa
  Replies (5) Good night (1811) Bad night (722)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best

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  (541): blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best http://tfl.nu/qdc9
  Replies (17) Good night (3178) Bad night (897)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God

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  (+44): I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God http://tfl.nu/m4vw
  Replies (3) Good night (2260) Bad night (717)
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  (229): View more from Georgia

  He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.

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  (229): He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam. http://tfl.nu/61az
  Replies (1) Good night (932) Bad night (1580)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?

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  (970): Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right? http://tfl.nu/vtmk
  Replies (7) Good night (2218) Bad night (635)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."

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  (617): Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide." http://tfl.nu/7grl
  Replies (31) Good night (2687) Bad night (797)
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing

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  (413): I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing http://tfl.nu/ejfa
  Replies (9) Good night (1275) Bad night (807)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?

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  (203): If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche? http://tfl.nu/avjw
  Replies (22) Good night (3071) Bad night (840)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.

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  (814): My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed. http://tfl.nu/4uwe
  Replies (8) Good night (2614) Bad night (1079)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented

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  (512): We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented http://tfl.nu/cc07
  Replies (3) Good night (546) Bad night (256)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.

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  (406): My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college. http://tfl.nu/7goj
  Replies (3) Good night (420) Bad night (324)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.

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  (541): He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes. http://tfl.nu/w3c8
  Replies (1) Good night (251) Bad night (763)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean

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  (401): So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean http://tfl.nu/7uwn
  Replies (2) Good night (417) Bad night (180)

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